Could You Be The Reason He Cheats? Yes!

The subject of men cheating has fueled many heated morality debates since before Christ and continues to dominate them to this day.  There seems to be a large groups of women that believe that men can’t help themselves.  Some believe all it takes is a big butt or huge breasts and off he goes.  Nothing is further from the truth!  The truth is women cause men to cheat.  The butt and the breasts are just bait.  Don’t believe me?  You need to hear it from a man and I will be that man.

First off, If you are in a relationship and not married, You are in a tight spot.  You have his mind, body, and soul but none of the above means anything unless you have his commitment.  That commitment can only be symbolized by a wedding ring.  I don’t mean to step on the toes of those that are living together in bliss.  Some would say that you have the advantage.  If your man cheats, Just throw his things out and start over.  One thing you need to know.  Until he puts a ring on his finger, He’s pretty much non-committal and he is still keeping his options open.  The longer you stay un-married, The more time he is devoting to making sure you are or are not the one.  You have to accept the fact that you may not be the one and just hope he is man enough to tell you that before you find out the hard way.

Wives create cheating husbands before they even married.  I know this may sound strange but it is the truth.  Lets say you are dating a guy you like and you can see yourself  with him if he changes a few things.  Maybe he is all day sexy with all night habits and you believe that if you become his wife, You can turn him around.  Wrong!   He has to change before you marry him.  He maybe happy the way he is and he will cheat to stay that way.  You can’t blame him no more than you can blame a circus animal for attacking its handlers.  You cannot turn a lion into a house cat no matter how much you train it.  It’s still a lion.  You have to treat your man the same way.  You have to accept and love him as he is.  Nothing else will do.  A lot of women make this mistake.  Wives find themselves at war with parts of their husbands that they find un-appealing.  Since you didn’t deal with it before you got married, You now bring a poisonous  element into the marriage creating a toxic household.  He will cheat just to get some peace in his life.  Another woman will be all to happy to provide that for him.

Women help men cheat constantly.  The other woman or the mistress these days is no longer playing the role of  witless play thing.  She is now a willing accomplice.  Helping him cover his tracks at every encounter.  Why?  Cause she knows what he is going through.  He carries the scent of an unhappy household with him everywhere he goes and it attracts all types of women sympathetic to his cause.

He was a good man.  Works everyday, Brings his money home but he is flawed like all humans.  When these faults present themselves, you verbally assault him with no let up.  Not just one time, Often.  You may believe a man should be strong enough to take it but why should he?  You wouldn’t.  Verbal abuse drives men to cheat more than anything.  If you see a guy getting verbally beat down in public by his wife, I guarantee he’ll be cheating in no time.  The male ego is fragile and you swing at with your verbal baseball bat with reckless abandon.  What happened to basic communication?  What happened to the respect?  Wives who constantly degrade their husbands during disagreements can make the most unlikely men cheat.  You may have kids and getting a divorce will cost him big but he’ll risk it.  If  his wife is truly awful, everyone in his life will help him cheat.  Even her close friends may offer themselves to him because he is a good man truly unappreciated.

The same things that will make a woman leave her husband are the same things that will make him cheat.  Not porn or topless bars.  Don’t worry about Tyler Perry’s 80/20 rule.  If you make his 80 percent unbearable, he will run towards 20.  Sex very rarely the cause of him cheating.  Sex is just the way he choses to deal with his problem.  You can call his penis small if you want to.  Just wait a while.   He will find another woman who likes small packages.  You can call him broke all you want to but the are women out there who are willing to share a grilled cheese sandwich with him.  If you believe that all men cheat, then you should let you man cheat because you have already given up.  You might as well start swinging or mate swapping.  That way, You won’t have to worry about your prejudice interfering in your marriage.  Or you can be like the wife of NBA star Andrei Kirilenko.  She allows him to have sex with another woman one night a year.

Now if you believe there are good men out there and you married one, Treat him like you would want to be treated.  Love and honor him.   Above all else, respect him and the threat of him cheating will be non-existent.  Unless he has other more severe problems which you chose to ignore.   Holla if you hear me!

-K. Greene

16 thoughts on “Could You Be The Reason He Cheats? Yes!

  1. As a woman, as much as I hate to admit it, you are right. I don’t agree with everything. I do believe that if you are in a relationship, not a booty-call or friends with benefits situation, that there should be commitment. And in any situation I would be involved in with a man I would expect full commitment from him.
    I do agree that there are far too many women out there who do not treat their man right. But if that is the case, I do not condone cheating I suggest that you go out and find a woman who knows how to treat you right. You are a man, grow a pair and act like it. You can’t hide behind the “I was mistreated or unappreciated” excuses. Leave. Leave and go find someone who treats you well and who does appreciate you.
    And the kids thing? I do not think in any circumstance you should use having children with someone as an excuse not to leave them if you are unhappy. What kind of image of a happy marriage and loving couple are you sending to your children by spending years in a loveless marriage? Why wouldn’t you want to just teach them that sometimes people grow up and grow apart and its not always anyones fault? But you can separate, move on and find someone else, and live happily ever after with that person?
    Truth is men and women both have flaws, neither sex is perfect. But we need to learn to grow up, face our issues, and talk and work out our problems or just move on.

  2. Whwn a man loves a woman she can make any man feel like a king but she can also bring him down to his knees. She sometimes don’t really understand her powers or chose to abuse those powers. I realize the some men probably will cheat for the sport of it but but for the most part it lack of communication and respect that lead to cheating.

  3. Kelly,
    This is a very provocative essay! The women, at first, were offended and angry, but after carefully considering what you wrote, we came to the conclusion that you are right. No man should be mistreated and put down in front of others, and for that matter, no woman should either. Being mistreated, taken for granted, or growing apart are not excuses to cheaat, but I can understand why some men stray if they are experiencing these things. I think both people in the relationship have the responsibility to be generous, loving and especially KIND to each other. If these are the cornerstones of the marriage, then cheating should be the furthest thing from anyone’s mind.
    Great essay, Kelly! I love your style. and of course, let me know when the book comes out!

    Ms. Clayman

  4. Okay, well there are some pretty good points you brought out in your blog. I want to say that I agree with the point that if a man is a certain way before he gets married most likely he will be that way in the marriage unless he cahanges his heart. A lot of women think they can change a man but he won’t change unless he wants to.

    However, what I don’t agree with is the fact that you say women create cheating men. Not so, not one time in this blog I see the responsibilty and/or ownership a man should take. Why is it when a man cheats we’re to blame? When a man can’t get a job it’s the white man fault? When a man takes someones life they were disrespected? It’s everybody’s fault but there own. Especially, a black mnan. Black men date white women because black women don’t know how to treat them. Everybody is the blame for the choices that alot of men make.

    Now don’t get me wrong it’s some women that are cruel with their behavior and how they talk to their men. So, i can see how men can find peace in another woman’s arms. Nevertheless, your telling me this is sufficient grounds for them to cheat??? Ok so, let’s look at the women that we say has a lot of mouth…

    “My man not working I’m working but I have to yet support and stroke him” “Well he’s working but he doesn’t get a full check cause of child support”
    “He wants me sexy all the time but he not sexy”
    “I cook, clean, take care of the kids and holding a job down and perhaps go to school”
    “Everyday Im in competition with the white girl that gets the promotion and the attention on the job and we’re doing the same thing”
    “If I don’t give a man a play then I’m a bitch or think I’m all that”

    So, i say what about the woman that has to deal with emotional abuse and/ or lack of attention from her man? Do men create cheating women? I know men who cheat just because that’s what they want to do. It’s all about the hunt for them. A woman or man should’nt belittle the one they say they love. My thoughts is if someone is treating a person that way they should bow out gracefully. Women have enough to deal with…lack of men, homosexual men, no good men, men with women of the other race, raising children alone, supporting their men….Now we have to worry about rather or not we’re creating cheating men out of grown a%@ men??? Who chooses their own choices. A man don’t just up and cheat. Men are thinkers, he thought about it and had already screwed her in his mind way before he physically did it. So, this is what he wanted to do and no one should be to blame. However, women don’t need to give them amunition but it’s up to the man whether or not he’s gonna pull the trigger. Because when he does he is the only one that will do the time.

  5. LaTisha,

    I hear ya! I see where you are coming from! Here is how most guys see it. A man may take ownwership for cheating but the root cause started long before that. If the woman in his life is cruel and unusual, that is absolutely a reason to cheat. You can’t blame a black man for dating white women cause black women don’t know how to treat him. You have to blame the black women that he has dealt with.
    A man not working is a touchy subject(Giving my situation) yet if a woman marries that guy she has to support and stroke him if he is trying to better himself (For richer or poorer!). If a woman has any issue with her husband paying Child Support, she should never have married him. The issues you have will only pile on the stress in the relationship.
    “He wants me sexy but he is not sexy” Women say this but they very rarely address it. I see this a lot when women cheat. Rather than talk to their husbands, they hit Lucky’s looking for a young 50 cent look-alike.
    “Everyday I am in competition with the white girl that gets the promotion and the attetion on the job and we do the same thing.” There is nothing your man can do about it unless you want him to come to your job and kill her. You can’t come to his job and kill his boss. So leave the work stress at work. If you bing that home everyday, you will eventually take it out on him. He will only take so much of that.
    ” I cook,clean, and take care of the kids and holding down a job and perhaps go to school.” That is a load to handle. Now don’t diminish or belittle his contributions to the house while asking for help. Women do this quite a bit. Just ask for help, you’ll get it. Asking for help does not require verbal castration on the first conversation. He will appreciate it!
    “If I don’t give a man a play, then I am a bitch or I think I am all that.” This statement cracks me up! Women get so upset that they don’t realize the big bullet they just dodged. Depending on how a guy gets a girl’s attention is how he will treat her. Women accept a level of disrespect depending on how a guy looks. Here’s where the good guys get kicked to the curb. So many women are attracted to these rough, bad boy types. These guys emulate a disrespectful lifestyle. So gettin cheated on is bound to happen. Can’t blame the guy for being himself but I will blame you for liking it.
    There is no bowing out gracefully for a man. I knew of two guys that did it and it was not pretty at all. The guys had to pay just as much as if they had cheated. For a man, the end results are same. Women cannot handle a man wanting out. Women would rather say “He cheated on me” than say that “He divorced me”. Pride tends to win over the truth.
    Cheating can only be stopped by both sexes taking into account the effect one has on the other. They also must abandon stereo types and embrace communication. If women want men to take all the blame for cheating, women have to be ready to take half of it.

    • I agree with u bro!!! A woman can definitely be one of the causes why a man cheat however, she is not the sole cause!!!

      The Woman:
      “Ownership” When you say that their is a root cause way before the ownership remember oftentimes it has nothing to do with her. In some families that is just what men do as long as they take care of the home first. Wives keep their mouths shut as long as they take care home. For example, white families. Now you know them white women are docile. Nevertheless, they have the wives and the mistress and both are taking care of. So, it has nothing to do with her they do for the sport of it. Now we have the next generation of husbands who see this and this is how they handle their families not all men but some. Like I stated before there still ha to be ownership and accountability.

      “Man not Working” “Child Support” I never meant it to be that a woman shouldn’t support her man. My situation, my husband was laid off 2 months after we were married and it has been an upheaval battle ever since. I supported and encouraged him through it all (richer or poorer) because that’s what I vowed to do. I made that point because I wanted the men to see what we do as well. Sometimes, men really need to see the sacrifices women make in a marriage too and a lot of times men don’t see it and they don’t hear you. So for us Kel, we can feel unappreciated and not heard. Even when we do TELL YOU!!! Oftentimes, men hear what they want to hear!!!! So when another man comes along and has a woman ear and meets her emotional needs, strokes her, and whispers sweetness…Man has now partially a cheating woman. Just the same as her vile tongue partially creating a cheating man.

      My other points were to help open the eyes of some of the things sisters go through not to bring it home (work issues) but what about when a man goes to work and has a hard rough day. A woman is expected to make sure he is relaxed and taking care of. So should it be for her. Face it bro, there’s not a lot of men out there who is like you or my hubby!!!

      “Being Sexy”…Now you know a woman just can’t tell a man she want him to be a little more eye candy for her. No matter how she says it. Shall I say….”Ego”

      Lastly, I believe we both have agreeable points and disagreeable points. I do believe we both can say if you truly love the one you with and we won’t have to worry about none of these problems.

      LaTisha

  6. Good points made in this blog. One of the #1 reasons a man cheats is he wants his ego stroked. He wants to feel like an alpha male at all times. He isn’t gonna leave home, but find someone on the side who will do what wifey won’t.

  7. I’ve been that other woman. Too many times I’ve heard, “I won’t leave her cos she’s a good woman; if only she were more like you.” More like me as in understanding & empathetic, his biggest cheerleader and fan, & willing freak who’ll fulfill fantasies.

  8. See, when he is with me, I make him feel like a man. I make him feel like he is the best man ever to walk the face of the earth. Sure, he may have some flaws, but they are broached in such a way that he never feels castrated.

  9. Wow, Kelly….great article. You definitely put an interesting perspective on the topic….After reading it…..as a woman….I do believe ….perhaps you maybe right on so many levels……

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